BONGO THE RACCOON

Nobody knows where he came from.

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THE STORY OF BONGO

Bongo was never supposed to be here.

One night, somewhere between an alleyway and the back of an abandoned grocery store, a raccoon appeared.

Nobody saw him arrive.

Nobody knows where he came from.

He just stood there.

Watching.

Since then, Bongo has wandered from place to place, collecting strange objects, getting into trouble, and somehow appearing in places where he absolutely should not be.

Some say he's looking for something.

Others say he's just hungry.

Bongo has never explained himself.

WHERE IS BONGO?

Behind the dumpster

chance of Bongo: 97%

Inside your garage (somehow)

chance of Bongo: 61%

On top of a parked minivan

chance of Bongo: 44%

Staring through the window

chance of Bongo: 88%

A place he should not be

chance of Bongo: 100%

Where you last left your sandwich

chance of Bongo: unknown

Nobody has ever arrived before he left.

BONGO'S RULES

1.Bongo does not explain himself.
2.Bongo does not knock.
3.If Bongo takes it, it is now Bongo's.
4.Do not make eye contact unless you are prepared.
5.Bongo washes things that did not need washing.
6.Bongo is nocturnal and unemployed.
7.If you see Bongo, Bongo has already seen you.

SIGHTINGS

“Seen behind a Walmart at 2:13 AM.”UNCONFIRMED
“Stole someone's sandwich and stared directly into their soul.”CONFIRMED
“Found sleeping inside a recycling bin.”PROBABLY TRUE
“Refused to elaborate and walked away.”CLASSIC BONGO
“Appeared in a family photo nobody remembers taking.”DISTURBING
“Operated an automatic door twice, on purpose.”UNDER REVIEW

THE BONGO ARCHIVES

FILE 001

Blurry photo. Might be a cat. Is not a cat.

FILE 007

A single muddy handprint on a second-floor window.

FILE 013

Audio recording: 11 minutes of chewing. Source unknown.

FILE 042

A shopping cart, neatly returned. Motive unclear.

FILE 088

Napkin with a drawing of a raccoon. Drawn by whom?

FILE 999

MISSING.

Archive maintained by nobody. Do not email us. We will not respond. Neither will Bongo.